Six Impossible Things

CAPHE SUA DA: coffee, milk, ice.: People you will meet in discussions about sexism on the internet:

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:10:37 -0500

CAPHE SUA DA: coffee, milk, ice.: People you will meet in discussions about sexism on the internet::

Mr “Welcome to the real world”. Sexism happens. Always has, always will. Might as well suck it up and deal with it. Try to change society? What are you, mad? I don’t like it either, sunshine, but just be good and don’t make a fuss.

Mr “Oh my god calm down it was a joke”. Everyone knows if you tack “lol” onto the end of a sentence, no one can get mad at you because you were being hilarious, and if anyone gets offended they’re being an uptight prick. You truly are the George Carlin of our time.

Miss Validator. “I’m a girl, and I think this is HILARIOUS. Calm down feminists!” Watch as everyone in the thread uses her as yet another reason why you are stupid and oversensitive and they are hilarious and right. May also “apologise for her gender” in a cosmic blast of internalised misogyny.

Mr “I refuse to believe this happens”. He would never cat call or rape and isn’t sexist at all and thinks gender roles are outmoded. Therefore, he thinks, everyone else thinks just like me too. Can’t line up women’s experiences of sexism with his own worldview, so dismisses everything they say, demanding “proof”. Sees no irony in this.

Mr “actually you’ve got this the wrong way round”. Silly you! This is looks, feels, smells and tastes like misogyny but is actuallymisandry. Don’t worry, easy mistake to make, anyone could have done it. Just don’t say I’m wrong or I’ll link you to pages explaining why you have female privilege and call you an ignorant bitch.

Mr EvoPsych! Has never studied this but has skimmed some articles and therefore can explain every facet of how human behaviour works. And why it’s just best and most natural for everyone to stick to their traditional gender roles. Because that’s how we did it in 10000bc. Women and men are just different, that’s why you’re not as smart as him.

Mr *totally unrelated point*. Seriously dude, how did you even get here. Seems to be having a totally different discussion than the one you’re having, then whines that you aren’t addressing his points.

Mr “I’m so not the problem here. Hello ladies.” Ugh, photoshopping is TERRIBLE, fashion is STUPID and I tell my girlfriend not to wear makeup because makeup is GROSS. I like small boobs - take that societal norms! You don’t have to have plastic surgery anymore, girls, because I like’em small. Stop dieting! I like a woman with meat on her bones. Read Proust! I like a lady who’s well-read. I don’t understand why you would want an item of clothing that cost more than £50 - you don’t need that to attract me, madam. What do you mean, you like wearing eyeliner and don’t dress yourself solely for my benefit? I told you I don’t like high heels! STOP DOING THINGS I DON’T LIKE!

He he. Reblogging for truth.

Rape: let's take more care when we talk about it

Sun, 30 Oct 2011 17:34:51 -0400

Rape: let's take more care when we talk about it:

petitefeministe:

By Barbara Ellen in today’s Observer:

How jarring to see Eamonn Holmes on This Morning nagging rape survivor Hannah Cant about how she should have taken a taxi home the night she was abducted by Jonathan Haynes. Cant may have foolishly presumed, as I did, that the real story lay in her bravery and presence of mind. During an ordeal she didn’t know she’d survive, she tore out her hair and spat on his car seat to leave her DNA at the scene.

There was yet more courage from this young woman of 20, by waiving her anonymity and being interviewed on a TV programme. Perhaps Cant wanted to be an inspiration to others, but some hope with taxi-obsessed Holmes around. He introduced her by saying: “She was on her way home from a night out with her friends and walking home – didn’t take a taxi.” He ended the interview by saying to Cant: “I hope you take taxis now, everywhere you go, coming home at night.”

Yeah, it was all about Cant not taking a taxi. Never mind that, in 2009, John Worboys, the “black-cab rapist”, was convicted of drugging and sexually assaulting 12 victims, and was believed to have attacked 100 women in total. While taxis can be a good idea for everybody late at night, this clearly wasn’t the point of Cant’s story.

Taxi or not, it is never the victim’s fault that a rapist strikes. Odd how, even now, rape victims are perceived as somehow enabling their own attacks, in a way that would seem ludicrous when applied to other crimes? “Why did you buy a nice car – when it could be stolen?” “Why were you wearing that expensive watch – you must have known you’d be mugged and knifed?”

I don’t believe Holmes was guilty of any textbook cynical “victim-blaming”. Rather, he came across as clueless and blundering, exhibiting what appears to be a “rape moral blind spot” that afflicts certain types, mainly men, but by no means exclusively. It’s a dual paralysis of logic and empathy that, in Holmes’s case, resulted in well-meaning paternalistic bluster, along the lines of: “Oh dear, I wish you young girls would use your common sense more.”

There are echoes with Johnny Depp, who recently described magazine cover shoots as “like being raped”. A while back, actress Kristen Stewart made a similar comment about the paparazzi. Both immediately apologised, but still there’s that discordant feeling – in this day and age, how did these thoughts manage to travel all the way from brain to mouth without encountering some kind of neural road sign, screaming: “STOP!”? And since when was rape a handy metaphor for Hollywood stars not caring to have their photographs taken?

This seems beyond mere tastelessness. On the one hand, there’s a disturbing vogue for trivialising rape, almost rebranding this violent and hideous crime as part of the celebrity experience. On the other, it’s inviting the victim, as Holmes did, to muse on their own collusion, see the error of their non-taxi-taking ways. (You’re making it too easy for the rapist, dear.) The Depp incident occurred in a high-profile magazine interview, the other on television. If this sort of thing is flourishing out in the open, in the heat of the media glare, one can only wonder what strange and distorted attitudes one might find festering in the shadows.

It’s clear that neither Holmes, Depp or Ms Stewart would have intended any harm, but that’s almost what’s so scary about it: this casual, dopey missing of the point. The proposed “two strikes and you’re out” penal reforms suggest that the British justice system is finally attempting to put its house in order about serious sexual assault. This is good news, though with incidents such as these, it seems that popular culture still has some way to go.

"Most men do not attack or harass women; but those who do are unlikely to think themselves deviant...."

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 13:05:45 -0400

“Most men do not attack or harass women; but those who do are unlikely to think themselves deviant. On the contrary they usually feel they are entirely justified, that they are exercising a right. They are authorized by an ideology of supremacy.””

- Bob Connell, “Masculinity” (via petitefeministe)

The Doctor Who season finale was AWESOME. I loved it. A lot. I may rewatch it on iPlayer. Also, my...

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 16:40:22 -0400

The Doctor Who season finale was AWESOME. I loved it. A lot. I may rewatch it on iPlayer.

Also, my sketchbook arrived for The Sketchbook Project. Now I need some ideas and inspiration.

Promoting rape and 'telling a rude joke' are not the same thing

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 12:41:30 -0400

Promoting rape and 'telling a rude joke' are not the same thing:

petitefeministe:

Cath Elliott, Too Much To Say For Myself:

So far over 173,668 people have signed the change.org ‘Demand Facebook remove pages that promote sexual violence‘ petition, and another 3506 people have signed Orlagh Ni Léid’s petition ‘Petition Facebook to remove material that promotes rape culture‘.

And Facebook’s response?

Silence.

Well, apart from a ridiculous and hugely offensive statement that they issued on 17th August that is, a statement in which they said:

“It is very important to point out that what one person finds offensive another can find entertaining – just as telling a rude joke won’t get you thrown out of your local pub, it won’t get you thrown off Facebook.”

Yes, because promoting rape and condoning violent hate speech is completely the same thing as telling a ‘rude’ joke to your mates down the pub isn’t it?

It’s strange though, because no matter how many times I read the titles of these pro-rape Facebook pages, I still can’t even summon up so much as a smile, let alone laugh so hard I end up snorting and slapping my thigh (yes, seeing me genuinely lol is a sight to behold I assure you), and I’ve normally got a pretty good sense of humour. Maybe it’s because I’m a ‘humourless femnazi’, or maybe, and this is closer to the truth, it’s because under no circumstances is rape and sexual violence ever ever something to be laughed at: it’s just not funny.

For those that haven’t been following this story, some of the pages being highlighted by these petitions include such gems as:

You know shes playing hard to get when your chasing her down an alleyway

Riding Your Girlfriend Softly Cause You Don’t Want to Wake Her Up

Raping Your Mate’s Girlfriend to See if She Can Put Up A Fight

Abducting, Raping and Violently Murdering Your Friend, as a Joke

Bidisha and Women’s Views on News have been covering this issue pretty extensively, so I’m not going to repeat what’s already been said so eloquently. All I will say is, please sign the petitions, and let Facebook know what you think of their heinous rape apologist stance.

Currently...

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:34:00 -0400

Current read: The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux. I hate musicals. But the story is great and I’ve never read it before.

Current Music: The Proclaimers “Life With You” album, “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who, “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” by the Charlie Daniels Band.

Current TV Shows: Really enjoying Downton Abbey after never having watched it before. Hoping to see season 3 of Fringe soon.

Current food: Toast with Nutella. Sweet popcorn.

Current drink: Loads of water. Bizarrely healthy. Last week it was cherry coke.

Current favourite blogs: Jessica Valenti’s tumblr. Eat the Damn Cake.

Current lust: Johnny Depp, as usual. But no-one major at the moment.

Current bane of my existence: Still being exhausted all the time and not getting to do as much fun stuff as I’d like.

Current excitement: Looking forward to a week off work in two week’s time. Counting down the days. Also very excited about payday on Friday, it feels like it’s been a long month.

Sometimes, I just tire of having the same conversation over and over. Sometimes I am sick of...

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 18:56:13 -0400

Sometimes, I just tire of having the same conversation over and over.

Sometimes I am sick of putting my whole self into something if it’s not reciprocated.

Sometimes I think it just isn’t worth it.

Photo

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 16:49:35 -0400

Although it’s thankfully been defeated, there’s a great article here on last...

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 13:33:09 -0400

Although it’s thankfully been defeated, there’s a great article here on last week’s abortion counselling amendment.

When the Tories Went Too Far: The Abortion Amendment

So, the government is failing women. The government is pretty much failing everyone who isn’t...

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 13:27:32 -0400

So, the government is failing women. The government is pretty much failing everyone who isn’t a millionaire and/or a city banker, but yes, the cuts and changes have disproportionately affected women.

The Tories now apparently have a secret plan to win back women voters.

They must be pretty stupid if they think that token gestures are going to replace cuts to child tax credit, changes making it harder to claim child support, dismantling legal aid so that (among others) women fleeing domestic abuse have no legal advice, closing rape crisis centres, trying to attack our right to choose, and about a million other policy and funding changes.

I’m not a huge fan of Labour or Yvette Cooper, but she’s right when she says:

“Women don’t want more spin and communications professionals, they want fundamental changes to government policy.

“This panicked reaction shows that once again, the Tories are treating the women of this country as an after-thought. Time and again, David Cameron has shown he has a blind spot on issues affecting women, from childcare support to his handling of the debate on abortion or the treatment of rape cases.”

I’m angry enough at Cameron and the Tories and their systematic trashing of everything I love about my country. But if I was a single mother, or a rape survivor, or a parent struggling to afford childcare while my wage decreases, I’d be even angrier. Does he really think we’re all that stupid and blind, that we’d ignore everything he’s done so far if he makes a couple of meaningless concessions?

rhymeswithchelsea: takealookatyourlife: Rape prevention tip:...

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 18:02:31 -0400

rhymeswithchelsea:

takealookatyourlife:

Rape prevention tip: use the buddy system! If you’re not able to stop yourself from sexually assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you’re in public!

this one’s my personal favorite.

"Feminism makes some men very scared, others very angry."

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:04:40 -0400

This article is interesting.

Obviously there are feminists (and women who probably wouldn’t call themselves feminists) who think that feminism should be about making men the “victims” instead of women. But the majority of us don’t see it that way. The majority of feminists recognise that the more male feminists there are, the better, and the more men doing gender studies there are, the more men will understand the feminist perspective and work towards a more equal society.

“Let’s get a few things straight. The dominant ideas, approaches and insights of the vast majority of academic disciplines are produced by, for and about men. This does not necessarily make them bad ideas, but it does mean that there are entrenched gender biases in most fields. In my own discipline – politics – the key undergraduate texts are overwhelmingly by and about men. And yet this is seen by most as unproblematic, as natural or inevitable.”

Obviously, this article is about gender studies. But the sentiment above can be applied to almost every area of life. There are many men who would condemn what they feel is blatant sexism but simply haven’t thought about the world from a feminist perspective. If they can be secure in themselves and welcome feminism and equality and try and see things from the feminist perspective without feeling like it’s attacking them, this would benefit us all.

It’s not the same thing, but I can acknowledge that my country has done many awful things in the past to others, and my race (white European) has been responsible for racial atrocities, such as slavery. I can do this without thinking it’s an attack on me or that I am a bad person. Some men seem to feel that when certain things are pointed out as being sexist, it’s an attack on them as a person and a threat to their masculinity. It’s not. It’s simply pointing out that there’s a viewpoint that they haven’t considered before, or that men, as a sex, are still perpetuating sexist attitudes and that we still live in a patriarchy. It doesn’t mean you as a single man are responsible for the entire thing yourself. And the more of you that can acknowledge this and start to think in a feminist way, the better.

I recommend reading “The Equality Illusion” by Kat Banyard and “Full Frontal Feminism” by Jessica Valenti if you want to understand things better.

Thank goodness. Nadine Dorries and her dangerous agenda are defeated. For now, anyway.

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 12:33:29 -0400

Thank goodness. Nadine Dorries and her dangerous agenda are defeated. For now, anyway.

Urgh. I tried to write and it was just an annoyed, slightly incoherent rant about boring stuff. How...

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 20:08:47 -0400

Urgh. I tried to write and it was just an annoyed, slightly incoherent rant about boring stuff.

How do you stop the daily irritations from ruining things?

Maybe I will just live alone forever. I’m not saying that to be mopey. I think it might be true. I like my space and I like it to remain mine.

Some progress on this, but no resolution as yet. Downing Street forces U-turn on abortion proposals.

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:05:26 -0400

Some progress on this, but no resolution as yet.

Downing Street forces U-turn on abortion proposals.

UK feminists: Take action against mandatory anti-choice "counseling" services for women seeking abortions

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:58:30 -0400

UK feminists: Take action against mandatory anti-choice "counseling" services for women seeking abortions

This looks really cool. I’m thinking of participating. I haven’t done any art in years,...

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 19:16:55 -0400

This looks really cool. I’m thinking of participating. I haven’t done any art in years, but I’d really like to get back into it.

Even if I don’t, this project is very cool.

Promise of autumn

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 19:15:18 -0400

Some people have been feeling fed up about the nights getting longer. But I like this time of year. I like it now, when it’s still really warm but it gets dark slightly earlier. It’s like the way rocks are still warm after the sun goes down, they hold the heat from the day. This time of year holds the heat from the summer, and I like squeezing the last bits of summer out of the season.

But also, I love autumn. Autumn is my favourite season. The beginning of autumn when it’s not too cold, but it’s cool enough for boots and a jacket. The sunsets. The first frost, when it starts to get cold. The smell of wood smoke in the evening. Bonfire night. I like looking forward to all these things, and the end of summer holds the promise of autumn, for me.

Things I Planned to do During my Week Off 1. Go out. Wander the lovely city I live in, drink coffee,...

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 09:31:26 -0400

Things I Planned to do During my Week Off

1. Go out. Wander the lovely city I live in, drink coffee, write in my notebook, read, visit the secondhand shops, take photos, go to the museum.

2. Write a couple of new songs.

3. Finish current knitting project and start a new one.

4. Read a lot.

5. Go to the cinema. Maybe more than once.

6. Go to the library. Return books. Take out more.

7. Meet up with a friend or two who are also off work.

8. Tidy up my flat, throw stuff out. De-clutter.

Things I Have Actually Done During my Week Off

1. Lie in bed shivering, sweating and generally feeling like crap.

2. Have a really sore throat.

3. Watch so much TV I am tired of it. Even the good stuff.

Today I have managed to stumble to the shop to get an ice lolly for my throat. I really want to feel better tomorrow so I can do something proper.

Photo

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 11:10:35 -0400